If they forced themselves on me I
hatedthem.
The British Government had gone very far in this
direction, withoutinforming her smallest ally.
Theopposite would have been my choice if my head
had not been tyrannous. How was it right to let men die because they did
notunderstand?
Yet in thetented twilight nothing seemed more
noble.
Feisal told him that he was come at an opportune
moment. Memory gave me no clue to the heroic, so that I could notfeel such men as
Auda in myself.
To know them apart he must learntheir individual,
as though naked, shapes.
I served himout of pity, a motive which degraded us
both. We paidfor them our self-respect, and they gained the deepest feeling of
theirlives. He dispensed with them by his inner power. Beside me sat Rahail,
peacocking his lusty self in strident clothes. We did our best toexclude the senses,
that our support might be slow, durable,unsentimental. By so dressing I staked a
claim which Feisals publicconsideration of me confirmed. Always in working I had
tried to serve, for the scrutiny of leading wastoo prominent.
The British Government had gone very far in this
direction, withoutinforming her smallest ally. I sought only to assure myself, and
cared not a jot to makethe others know it. He was very modest as he stood before
Feisal and offeredhim Jemals peace. The eagerness to overhear and oversee myself was
myassault upon my own inviolate citadel. Of this there remainedeight days for the
men, ten for the animals. There seemed a certainty in degradation, a final safety.
Instead of this, they gave melicence, which I abused in insipid indulgence. There
was a craving to be famous; and a horror of being known to likebeing
known.
We sat down with Buxton in a council of
war.
The comic side of the letters must not obscure
their real help individing the Turkish Staff. Nuris sombre look metmine for a
moment, in approval. He had reduced the loads and rehung them,thereby lengthening
the camels pace and daily mileage.