Re: [Fsuk-manchester] Mission statement - request for comments

[Michael Dorrington]

Lucy wrote:
> On 20/06/2008, Tim Dobson <address@hidden> wrote:
> > MJ Ray wrote:
> > > The "but also..." phrase seems a little stilted to me but I can't
> > > quite identify the reason.  I also dislike passive expressions and
> > > long sentences.  I suggest rewording to:-
> > >
> > > Manchester Free Software serves a growing apparent need for a group
> > > based in the Manchester area that focuses primarily on free software
> > > and GNU/Linux.  It also covers topics which impact on the freedoms of
> > > computer users, such as Digital Restrictions Management.
> >  I would prefer switching "but also..." to "and also..."
>
> I'd prefer to keep it as ". It also", otherwise it's one very long sentence..

How about this?

Manchester Free Software serves a growing need for a group in the 
Manchester area that focuses on free software and, in particular, 
GNU/Linux. The group encompasses topics which impact on the freedoms of 
computer users, such as Digital Restrictions Management (DRM).

M.