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Re: [gNewSense-users] Early Draft of a gNewSense flyer

From: al3xu5 / dotcommon
Subject: Re: [gNewSense-users] Early Draft of a gNewSense flyer
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:16:17 +0100

Il giorno giovedì 18/03/2010 10:38:53 CET
Leo Rockway <address@hidden> ha scritto:

> On Thursday 18 March 2010 14:14:07 Karl Goetz wrote:
> > On Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:36:26 +0200 Lars Nooden
> > <address@hidden> wrote:
> > > Ok.  I have an initial draft for a generic flyer.
> > > 
> > >
> > > 
> > > I would welcome feedback about what is good, wrong, unclear,
> > > clear, missing or redundant. [...]


Just some little proposals, if I can.

- 1st page, front
"gNewSense is a fully free distribution built on GNU Utilities and 
the Linux Kernel"
I suggest:
"gNewSense is a fully free GNU/Linux distribution built on the GNU
Operating System and the Linux kernel"

- 2nd page, center
To increase accordance with the free software definition, I suggest to
replace the statement: "redistribute changes"
with somethig like this:
"distribute copies of your modified versions to others"

- 2nd page, right
This statement seems unclear and misses some words:
"Recently a series of new and netbooks have started using MIPS, such as
from the vendors Lemote and Gdium."
I suggest something like this:
"Recently new computer and netbook series using MIPS become available,
such as those from the vendors Lemote and Gdium."

> > Given a suitable licence, perhaps the BTS so it can be included in
> > the example content.
> > kk
> The first page of the trifold has a link to the CC BY SA 3.0 license
> at the bottom.

Why not the GNU FDL 1.3?

al3xu5 / dotcommon

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