[Adonthell-general] Dwarven Origins, Final Draft

[Andrew Michael Phillips]

On Tue, 9 Jul 2002, Kai Sterker wrote:

> On to the comments:
> 
> I liked the brevity of the former draft, but the details you've added
> are really nice as well. One or two errors crept in though:
> 
> At the beginning it says:
> "On a pedestal stands the stone figure of a Dwarven female, clothed with
> fitting dress and improved by inset gems."
> 
> But later on you write: 
> "Long after, in the abandoning of the Mountains of Making for other
> mines more rich with ore and gem, the artifices of the seven brothers
> were removed and each became the heirloom of the line which had brought
> it into being."
>
> Clearly, the stuff can't be still there _and_ taken away :).

Of course. Thanks.
 
> 
> A smaller thing is:
> "There was no beauty in the trees for them, for they were neither hard
> enough nor malleable enough for proper crafting."
> 
> Wouldn't "[...] neither hard nor malleable enough [...]" be, well ...
> enough?

Again, thanks.

> 
> 
> In the "clothing scene" there are 8 brothers, while you always talk
> about seven: 
> 1 "One whom all called Gildhammer [...]"
> 2 "The brothers, [...] called Stonetorch and Whetstone [...]"
> 1 "Another [...] called Ringforge [...]"
> 2 "Those brothers were both called Helmforge [...]"
> 1 "The fattest of the seven [...] was called Hillgirth [...]"
> 1 "The wisest called Gemthain [...]"
> --
> 8

This one is tricky. Because of the groupings, there are eight brothers but 
seven clans. I got my wired mixed up. Also fixed

> Other than that it's a very nice read already. Tell me once you think
> its ready for inclusion in the library.

Thanks. The final draft can be found at

http://endor.hsutx.edu/~cptlogic/adonthell/dwfinaldraft.html

If there are no problems with this draft, then I deem it ready for 
publication. Feel free to nitpick, since the flaws will go public if we 
don't.

-- 
All that is gold does not glitter,
  Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
  Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
>From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
  A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
  The crownless again shall be king